AUSTIN DAYFOUR: In which there are creepy statues of children

ON THIS, our last day in Austin, Candace and I spent the morning thrift store shopping before meeting up with Seth and grabbing lunch at Kerbey Lane. After Linz got off work at 2, we rendez-vous’d at the house and headed to tour the Capitol and UT campus.

Lindsey: “There are some interesting facts about this place … I can’t remember what.”

Austin's capitol building was designed by the same architect who created Madison's. They're both much more regal than Lincoln's -- otherwise known as "The penis of the Plains."

Apparently this is a common thing for Capitol tourists to do, according to Lindsey. Some Nordic-looking/sounding tourists pointed and smiled while Candace took this picture. Representing America properly FTW.

The history of Texas is quite marvelous, when you think about it — the only state to have first been a country. That’s mindboggling. Most of the time states want to BECOME sovereign nations. The reverse process is usually only accomplished by tyranny.

I should have brushed up on my history before moving here; I think I would have understood the people much better.

Woo! Mspaint. (Click for nonpaint version)

"It's a butt!"

The senate chamber

From Wikipedia commons

We’d found ourselves at a dead-end when a spry older man beckoned us into a side room, assuring us it was what we’d come for.

Unsure but intrigued, we followed him into the small banquet hall. His presentation turned out to fascinating — he talked in detail about the furnishings in the room, as well as offered Austin tips when he learned we were from out of town.

For example, he pointed our eyes to one of Austin’s 17 “moon towers,” 165-foot tall lighting towers that were installed to light several city blocks each at the dawn of the electric light age. He said it was a rite of passage to climb a moon tower when he was in high school.

Remember the scene from “Dazed and Confused” when they drink on the tower? Same thing. (The film was based in Austin.)

In fact, keeping with Austin’s fierce individualism, the city is the only left in the world that still uses its original moon towers, or perhaps any moon towers period.

The salt-and-peppered elfman also suggested our next destination, the Harry Ransom Center at UT.

But on the way, we stopped to play with the vaguely creepy statues of children behind the capitol.

I was attempting to look creepy. I'm fairly confident I succeeded.

Such salacious behavior!

"I remember it being bigger."

Alas, the Harry Ransom Center was closed … but we were able to see the two exhibits that had first piqued our interest: a Gutenberg Bible and the FIRST PHOTOGRAPH. As in ever.

Gutenberg Bible: It’s one of 48 surviving copies and one of only five in the U.S. I wish books looked so lavish nowadays — though I’m sure I’d balk at the cost of such elaboration.

The first photograph: OK, so it’s actually fairly unimpressive. You can’t really tell, but it’s a street scene in 1826 France. Frankly, I’m amazed photography developed into what it is today — if I’d tried and this were the result, I’d probably just have given up. Still, the sheer idea of standing in front of the first.ever.photograph was rightfully humbling.

We wandered the campus for a bit, visiting the statues of generals from the War of Northern Aggression (“decidedly facing south!”) and the tower, as well as the famous turtle pond.

Before heading onto Dallas for the night (Candace’s plane was leaving the next afternoon), we stopped at Amy’s for some ice cream.

Photo by Candace

I think it was a good way to end Candace’s first visit to Austin. She definitely missed out on some city essentials due to the chilly weather and short timetable, but I think she still saw a fair amount. She’ll just have to return someday … in summer.

Dallas is tomorrow, and then I promise that’s the last vacation post for a while.

This is why I adore Ms. Brittani Wray

Brittani’s car was broken into Saturday night while we were at Rumor’s; luckily, nothing expensive was stolen, but her window was busted and we were all a bit shaken.

Two lessons from this :

1. Whenever you move somewhere, or if you haven’t yet, save the non-emergency police number in your cell phone.

2. Make a list of everything in your wallet so that if it’s stolen, as hers was, you don’t neglect to cancel an account or card because you forget it was tucked into a side pocket.

And if you’re a thief, as Brittani hilariously and scathingly points out, don’t be an idiot.

AUSTIN DAYTHREE: Remember the Alamo!!!

I HAD no reason to visit San Antonio.

What are two of the main attractions?

1. The Alamo
2. The Riverwalk

I’d been warned repeatedly by native Texans that the Alamo is nothing to write home about, and that I’d inevitably be disappointed. As for the Riverwalk, my friend Vikram holds nothing but contempt for this tourist trap, and he harangued it constantly during a design session at Dow Jones camp last summer (his not-so-secretly sarcastic headline for the page: “A Riverwalk to remember”)

Despite the (mostly) well-intentioned prejudices of my friends, however, I felt it my duty as an adopted Texan to visit these famed destinations, especially the Alamo.

The weather was dreary — cold and overcast — much as it had been in Austin (“You guys should have come last week, it was 70s and gorgeous!” everyone told us unhelpfully). But there was still color to be found, both literally and figuratively.

After parking the car, we wandered into a gift shop and discovered a “Big”-esque fortune teller.

At first, it wouldn't accept CC's dollar ...

... and then it gave her a ridiculous fortune. Note the supposed locales of her "soulmate."

Lindsey’s fortune was eerily applicable, whilst mine informed me that I was going to meet a dentist or a doctor — “and not for medical reasons.”

Then, it was onto THE ALAMO.

(insert Hallelujah chorus)

Yes, it is that small.

True to form, Candace and I burst into a rousing rendition of the Davy Crockett theme song — but the kicker was when Lindsey jumped in with the lyrics to the first verse.

Davy Crockett!!!!

... Davy Crockett?

Photo by Lindsey

Apparently Linz had been wanting to do this ever since she first visited San Antonio in November. Can you spot her and Candace?

We stopped for lunch at a place my friend Gabby had recommended, “Mi Tierra,” in the Mexican market.

The bakery at the front of the restaurant had a spectacular array of goodies — I munched on an “ojo,” or “eye.”

Me: “How do you say ‘eye’ in French again? I know it’s some kind of weird vowelly sound … then again, that’s most of French.”
Lindsey: “Un oeil.”
Me: “Exactly.”

Our waitress, after Candace and I placed our orders: “Y’all are vegetarians, huh?” (nod) “I can tell.”

After a coma-inducing lunch, we walked around the market for a bit before heading to the infamous Riverwalk.

And Vikram, while I know it will diminish your respect for me, I have to say I found it rather charming – though I admit I was using my imagination to picture it on a warm summer night with everything lit up. We decided a LOT of proposals probably happen here.

Lindsey: “It’s like B-side Venice.”

By this point we were cold and tired, so we headed back to Austin, encountering a few GPS glitches on the way.

Lindsey: “Man, GPS sucks. That’s actually what the ’s’ stands for.”
Me: “GPSucks?”
Lindsey: “Yeah.”

Once we returned we headed to John’s to say goodbye to Cena, who was returning to Houston, and played an intense game of Settlers of Catan, which is probably one of the best board games EVER. At the outset, Lindsey was obstinately convinced she wouldn’t like it; but just as John, CC and I’d predicted, she did.

We capped the night off with the movie “Panique au Village,” or “A Town Called Panic,” at the Alamo Cinema Drafthouse (waiters bring you beer during the films, and they’re having a best-of Saved by the Bell night soon … this is why I love Austin).

The film admittedly dragged on a bit toward the end; it’s stop-motion absurdity, and while it was hilarious, there’s only so much nonsense you can sit through at a time. Still, well worth it. I’d definitely recommend checking it out.

AUSTIN DAYTWO: In which Lindsey becomes the ‘twinion’

(This is a looong post, picture-wise. As a warning.)

THE DAY began with a 6:30 a.m. alarm as Linz and I stumbled the three-hour drive to Dallas to pick up CC from DFW airport — which, for any considering flying there, is the single worst airport in America.

At least, that I’ve been to.

The remnants of a party, mustaches are strategically placed throughout the house.

Upon arriving back in town, we headed straight to my favorite restaurant, Bouldin Creek Cafe — it’s simple, light, and all vegetarian-vegan, apart from being delicious and reasonably priced. We met up with Sean, who searched the menu in vain for something with meat.

Sean's meal

My delicious yogurt/granola

Because Candace had never been to Austin before, we began the day by showing her the entire city. Literally.

"It's the picnic table to nowhere ... I claim this stone table for Aslan!"

We took in the sights at Mt. Bonnell and then traipsed to the 360 Bridge.

Silliness quickly ensued.

Lindsey: “Walking between the two of you, I feel like your little minion … wait, your twinion!”

They were posing, but still cute.

Lovely

... and not so much.

After our exploring, we headed to Lindsey’s friend John’s place to meet up with Cena, a fellow Wisconsite now living in Houston whom Lindsey knows from Dartmouth and whom John knows through Dartmouth-alumni co-workers at Epic. Candace was acquainted with John because she also works at Epic, a healthcare software company in Madison, though of course John now works for an Austin company.

It’s a small world.

We played Bananagrams, argued about the subgenres of gangster rap and ordered delicious Homeslice pizza.

Cena

Linz, John and John's friend

After dinner, we headed to Lindsey’s friend Becca’s birthday party.

Cena, as we searched for coffee drinks at a grocery store en route: “Follow your uterus, ladies.”

A heated argument about whether or not the drawing on Becca's door was a representation of lady parts. The text reads: "I occasionally need alone time"

Linz and her roommate Lena

Cena: “I have been prepared for prison since I was 8.”

L-R: Candace, Lindsey, John

After a while, we left Becca’s party to head to another birthday, that of my friend Nate’s girlfriend. (Nate and Seth live in the house where I’ve crashed for two SXSWs.) The theme, it turns out, was “Twins,” and birthdaygirl Jordan was delighted when Candace and I showed up.

“I heard a rumor that actual twins were coming — I’m so excited you’re here!”

We didn't have cupcakes.

The two digital DJs were doing a fantastic job when we arrived, playing a solid collection of 90s hiphop — like “Close” by Next, “This is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan and “Party and Bullshit” by Biggie (a note: Candace knew all the words to the last song. She was the only one).

But before too long they switched to modern ganster rap, and the majority of dancers quickly dissipated. After a few songs’ worth of lackluster dancing, Seth, Candace and I requested “One Fine Day” by the Chiffons, after 2 minutes of which they reverted back to bad rap.

Win some, lose some.

Seth

The house had the coolest/creepiest bathroom ever. Forget Jeff Goldblum — in this lavatory, Jesus Christ is watching you poop.

I made Linz sit on the toilet for effect.

AUSTIN DAYONE: In which it all seems the same — we’re just older

After my harrowing (and, in retrospect, fair foolish) journey southward, the only thing I wanted was a nap. Upon arriving at Linz’s, I promptly passed out.

Lindsey lives in a house with three other women in East Austin, in the “bad part of town.” In fact, I realized she was not two blocks from a club where I’d seen a concert a few years ago — located at an intersection my friend Jed referred to as the most dangerous intersection in Austin.

Though, this being Austin, that’s not really saying much.

Lindsey's special friend

Lena's room -- the house has lovely natural light

The door to the patio doesn't meet the floor.

After Lindsey finished work, she headed to the house and joined me in my napping for a while before we headed for dinner at Magnolia’s, a 24-hour diner where I’ve spent many nights during SXSW indulging my appetite for greasy a.m. delights.

I hadn’t seen Linz since last May, though we’d kept in touch with fairly regular phone calls in the interim. She graduated from Dartmouth almost two years ago, and before moving to Austin in the fall had been living in Milwaukee, working for an art non-profit.

We agreed that if anyone had told us five years ago, fresh-faced high school seniors on the cusp of graduation, that we’d both be living in Texas, we’d never have believed them.

“It’s funny,” she said. “Despite how long it’s been, I feel like we’re still doing the same things we always have, you know? We’re at a greasy diner. You’re photographing me while I eat. We’re going to a concert later. We’re just older.”

Earlier, I’d said that our “nap,” which inevitably involved more chatting than shut-eye, felt like a grown-up sleepover.

“But instead of talking about boys or college applications, we’re talking about health care, car insurance and repaying student loans. Lindsey,” I said, “we’re adults. It still just seems kind of surreal.”

"Hilary, those deaf kids in the booth over there are pointing at you. Seriously. Put the camera down."

Cameras were forbidden at the Yo La Tengo show, but it was fantastic. I commented on the band members’ lack of vanity concerning their appearance, and Lindsey nodded emphatically.

“That’s one of the reasons they’re one of my favorite bands,” she said. “I feel like they could be friends with my dad.”

.

“Center of Gravity” by Yo La Tengo

.

… and I’m stuck.

I’m about an hour outside of Austin right now, stealing internet while parked at a gas station, waiting for the rain to let up.

I swear, something/someone did NOT want me to go to Austin this weekend.

♦ First, I was having car problems (turns out I used the wrong kind of gas when I was in a hurry)

♦ Then, it snowed horribly on Thursday with more snow scheduled for Friday (hence my leaving Thursday evening and driving through the night)

♦ THEN, after I’m finally ready to hit the road, my windshield wipers decide to die. (Which is why I’m sitting in this parking lot — I was just plowing through, squinting and erratically using my brights, but even I’m only so foolhardy, and when the rain became torrential, I pulled over.)

Harrumph.

I left at 7:30 p.m. last night. It’s 7:24 a.m. Still one more hour to go. The trip should only have taken 8-9 hours. FML.

Rain + stoplights = fireworks

Tomorrow, a vacation with two of my favorite ladies begins

UPDATE: Massive snow in Amarillo seems determined to impede my plans … I might end up driving through the night to avoid a repeat storm tomorrow morning.

I’m waking up at the crack of dawn — er, that is, my equivalent (probs 10 a.m.) — to drive 8 hours south to Austin, Texas for a 5-day visit. The holiday kicks off with a Yo La Tengo concert Friday night with Lindsey, one of my best friends from high school and a recent Texas transplant. Saturday morning, Candace (the twin) arrives at the Dallas airport, where Linz and I will painfully meet her, likely with bags under our eyes and bad hair.

Candace and Lindsey in disguise ….

… and chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool.

.

Austin is one of my kindred cities. I’ve been there twice for SXSW music festival (and am going again this year), and I lived in the UT dorms for two weeks at the beginning of summer for Dow Jones camp.

Watching a noise show on a bridge in downtown Austin at 3 in the morning. Like you do.

However, Candace has never been, so I’m excited to show her around. I’m hoping it’ll be warm enough to take a dip in Barton Springs (natural springs, supposedly at 70 degrees year-round), but I’m doubting it.

At some point we’ll be making the two-hour drive to San Antonio to visit the Alamo (which I’ve been warned repeatedly isn’t terribly impressive) and for a Mexican street market. I’m also curious to see if the famed Riverwalk is as overrated as Vikram claims.

I might have to burst into the Davy Crockett theme song upon arrival. Candace, you can be back-up.

I went grocery shopping today to grab the necessary road trip victuals:

♦ Potato chips
♦ Chocolate
♦ Junior Mints
♦ 6-pack of Dr Pepper
♦ Orange gummy slices
♦ Popcorn
♦ Little Debbie’s Cosmic Brownies

I can’t wait.

Graph of body parts mentioned in songs, organized by musical genre

via theramptosilverspring via sexismandthecity

Riding in cars with cats

Pumpkin

My current project is getting my kitteh used to traveling in cars — I also don’t want him thinking that the carrier always means the vet.

Our first outing was more or less what I’d expected. Unhappy meowing most of the way to Brittani’s, though he’d calmed considerably for the ride home.

Brittani’s moving in with her sister for a while, so I headed over with Pumpkin after work Monday to help her pack.

Ever mischievous, Pumpkin discovered a secret hideout under the sink.

Brittani’s roommate Joe likes to throw sharp objects. Like knives. And ninja stars.

When we went out again yesterday, he hardly complained at all until we got on the freeway.

I drove outside of town hoping to catch the sunset:

On the way home, Pumpkin wandered around the car for a bit before settling into my lap and curling up for a short nap. This bodes well, I think.

This is why I don’t eat oranges.

.

We used to have orange-peeling contests in high school during lunch — the goal was to remove the peel in as few pieces as possible.

Thanks to these fruitful exploits, I can now strip an orange like it’s nobody’s business … but I’d still spend 10 to 15 minutes attempting to remove the “yacky white stringy bits.”

So I just don’t eat oranges.

My life is average.

What are you smiling about, asshole? You better wipe that smirk off your face or I'll squeeze your bulbous body until you leak juice. Then who'll be laughing? Moron.